Four Traits of Resilient Moms

Facilitate a positive pregnancy and parenting journey by developing resilience

As you start a new year, take a moment to consider changing your thought patterns to help you and your family become stronger and function collaboratively over the next twelve months. Where New Year’s resolutions often fall by the wayside, a positive change from within can have a greater impact on your life and help you grow.

One area of life to focus on for growth and development is your personal resilience, the ability to recover and adapt effectively after difficult times. Resilience is an important skill to foster if you’re about to become a new parent.

Resilient people are better able to acknowledge difficult situations, accept changing circumstances, learn from their experiences and move forward. They don’t blame themselves for events or situations outside of their control, or dwell on perceived ‘failures’.

So, what four traits do resilient moms share?

1. Practicing self-care

During pregnancy your needs are very much in line with your baby’s needs. For example, following a healthy diet is good for you and essential for baby to get the nutrients he or she needs. Once baby arrives, many moms are so focused on the baby’s needs, they forget their own. In pregnancy, start building ‘me time’ into your day and aim to continue this after your baby’s birth and beyond. ‘Me time’ gives you an opportunity for self-care. It isn’t a luxury, but rather an important part of parenting. It allows you time to contemplate your thoughts and manage anxiety for improved well-being. Take time out to read a book, write in a journal or catch up with a friend.

2. Valuing flexibility

Not everything runs smoothly. Parenting is about adapting, sometimes moment by moment. As you head towards your baby’s birth, consider your birth plan. This is a guide for your doctor, the hospital medical team and your birth partner. It provides an outline of your preferences for your baby’s birth, but shouldn’t be ‘set in stone’. Your plan must include your wishes for the birth, pain relief options and your preferences for your baby after the birth. Build in some flexibility and consider various scenarios. Labour and birth are unpredictable, so if you approach your plan too rigidly, you may set yourself up for disappointment. No new mom wants to feel like a failure. Aim for an outcome that ensures your baby’s safe delivery and a healthy start to life.

3. Shifting their perceptions

If you are struggling in a particular area or feel anxious or worried, learn to look differently at the situation and break down issues into more manageable pieces. Perfectionism is one area where moms can cause themselves anxiety and added stress. Perfectionism can even cause you to lose focus of what’s important. Accept that you will make mistakes and that it’s okay. Nobody is perfect. If you feel stuck or unable to address a problem, speak to a friend or family member, or consider professional help through your doctor or a counsellor.

4. Rethinking how time is spent

Give yourself and your family some breathing room. Evaluate your family circumstances and consider how you can free up time and reduce stress. If you have older children, consider extra-mural activities for this year. Is everything absolutely important? Your child does not have to be busy every waking moment. He or she also needs time to play and rest and you all need time to connect as a family. Find what works for your family and is in their best interest – you don’t need to follow the ‘norm’ if it doesn’t work for you.

Mothers wear many hats. Whether you are about to become a first-time mom or you are already a mothering pro, there will be good days and bad days and days which seem impossible to get through. With resilience as part of your parenting toolkit, you’ll be able to move forward with positivity and gratefulness, and with a view that tough times do pass.

Talk to your healthcare provider if you want additional tips on how to build up your resilience.

Resources: https://www.healthychildren.org/; https://firstthings.org/; https://www.mindtools.com/page; https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/ar; https://www.livehappy.com/; https://www.anxietycanada.com/