Life With A New Baby

Balancing your time with your newborn, partner and other children

Bringing home your new baby is a wonderful time for parents, siblings and the extended family. It’s also a busy time for moms as they settle into a new normal and a routine centred around the baby.

During the post-partum period many moms feel overwhelmed at the magnitude of their additional responsibilities. Juggling baby’s needs with your own and that of other family members can become a daily struggle. By tweaking your schedule and realigning priorities, you can help yourself and your family adapt to this new normal in a more
positive way.

Finding balance

Reclaiming balance in your life can help improve your mental health. Balance doesn’t mean perfection and it looks different for every family. Consider your family values. Use these to identify areas in your life that you can prioritise and those areas that may require less of your time.

Time For Me

• Consider your needs. When baby sleeps, choose rest instead of catching up on household chores. Dr Farah Adam Mukadam, author of the book Newborns and New Moms, encourages moms to master breastfeeding lying down. Sleep is not the only way to achieve rest. By feeding your baby lying down, you can rest strained back muscles, she says.
• Plan for ‘me time’. It may sound counterproductive but it’s important for your own mental health. If you’re stressed and anxious on the inside, things won’t function well on the outside. Find ‘me time’ that works for you. For some moms this may be quiet time reading a book, or an uninterrupted bath, or even  an appointment at the hair or nail salon.
• Triage daily chores. To systematically deal with critical issues, medical personnel use a triage system for prioritising seriously ill patients over those who can wait for treatment. Use the same traffic light system – red, amber and green – for your household chores. Amber and green chores can be deferred to another day or can be delegated to someone else. Alternatively, make a list of 10 things you need to do. Do the top two or three today and reschedule or delegate the rest.

Time With Your Partner

• Involve your partner. Ask for help with baby’s care. Use the extra time for yourself and/or your other children, or spend time together bonding with your new baby. Many partners feel isolated from mom and baby during this period. Ask your partner to share their feelings with you.
• Plan a date night. If you are able to get someone to look after your baby, a date can be revitalising. If you ask a friend or family member to babysit, remind them to follow COVID-19 protocols with regular hand washing or sanitising and wearing a mask while engaging with the baby.
• Share experiences. Author and relationship expert, Janet Reibstein, interviewed hundreds of couples for her book, The Best Kept Secret. How Love Can Last For Ever. Reibstein found that couples were able to keep their love alive by connecting together and enjoying each other’s company over shared experiences. If date night sounds too complicated right now, aim for some cuddle time, take a bath together, watch a movie or work on a jigsaw puzzle together.

Time With Your Other Children

• Identify family moments. These are times of the day that are important to your older child, perhaps something you enjoyed doing together before the baby’s arrival. Ask your partner to pitch in with baby so you can continue these special times with your other children. For example, a toddler’s bedtime routine or helping an older child with homework.
• Negotiate rather than dismiss. If an older child asks for your help and you are busy with the baby, rather than dismiss them, give a time when you can help. For example: “Baby needs a feed now, but I’ll help you as soon as he goes to sleep.” Also consider that baby’s needs don’t always have to be priority. If that nappy change isn’t absolutely necessary right now, go ahead and assist your older child first.
• One-on-one time. Spend leisure time with your older kids individually. This will help reinforce that they are very important to you. It’s also allows you an opportunity to show interest in the things that are important to them right now. Go for an ice cream, read a book together or play a board game.

The quest to find better balance in your life shouldn’t become an additional source of stress. There will be ups and downs and things won’t always run smoothly. Balance is a journey. Even just one positive change today is a step in the right direction.

Contact your healthcare provider or your local mental health organisation for support, advice and counselling during your post-partum period.

Resources:  https://www.verywellfamily.com/; https://livemint.com/; https://www.askdrsears.com/; https://www.healthline.com/; https://www.momlifetv.com/; https://www.thehealthy.com/; https://www.careforthefamily.org.uk/; https://artsintegration.com/